Blog 78. Dating: Do You Understand The Importance Of Self-Worth And Setting Boundaries Early On In A Relationship?
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Being asked out on a date can be thrilling and it’s often a great boost to one’s ego. And if your date also turns out to be attractive, charming and great to be around, you could very quickly – be misled emotionally.
Because not all dates who are good looking, charming, funny, etc, are marriage material – let alone long term partners with whom to have a relationship with.
Receiving attention of any kind can knock many right off their feet – especially if their self-worth or self-belief is non-existent.
Consequently, falling in love can happen rapidly without any careful consideration. And if your date senses your lack of self-worth and if their motives and values are not quite the same as yours, you could be in for quite an emotional bumpy ride.
Unfortunately there are predatory people out there – who are only concerned with what they can get out of a situation. Everything they do is calculated without much care for the emotional harm they may cause. And they may be after more than just sex – they may be after your money too.
For example, I have seen people go from one art exhibition to another so as to find that one wealthy person:
- Who they can use, and
- Who is prepared to take them under their wing and supply them with money and status.
If you are lonely and maybe even desperate, you could easily land up lowering your standards – especially if you haven’t put the proper boundaries in place.
Unfortunately, this happens all too frequently.
People can be can be ‘duped or taken in’ at any age.
Or as people get older – if they feel that they may be ‘left on the shelf’ or if they need that one last shot at love, they may land up falling for all sorts of promises.
Also, if people feel they’re not attractive enough or thin enough and so on, anyone offering them attention may be experienced as a great ego boost. However, many go further and become victims of emotional and financial predators.
Sadly, many are not taught or made aware of the consequences of the emotional price one might have to pay – if you let your guard down too early in a relationship or if you’ve not got or kept your personal boundaries in tact.
But what are personal boundaries?
1)Personal boundaries are what you gain as a result of developing self-worth and confidence.
2) This usually arises from gaining self-knowledge and learning to know what you want out of life.
3) It is about developing goals and sticking to them.
4) It is about learning to love yourself warts and all – and maintaining self-respect.
5) And no matter what you feel about yourself – it’s about not settling for second best.
6) And realising that you will feel worse about yourself if you land up in a situation that has made you look stupid, used or abused.
This is why there is that very apt expression that suggests that we should all “kiss a few frogs”, before we ever settle down. But remember – you don’t marry these frogs ( male or female), and you certainly don’t hand them your money either.
Kissing frog is about helping you gain experience so that you will eventually be able to choose someone who is best suited for what you really want from life.
This however, starts with you creating personal boundaries and learning to understand and stick by – what you want out of life, what you will or won’t accept and so on.
And remember these wise words from Brené Brown: “When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, ourselves included, we will feel used or mistreated”.
So why let this happen? Surely, you are worth more?
© 2017 Deidré Wallace All rights reserved.
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This is exactly what I needed to hear and what I am slowly learning to do.
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