Blog 134. Business, Money And Your Career: What Your Envy Excuse Say About You.
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People often envy other people’s success or what they own, but few are aware that the major reason for this feeling is because for whatever reason – they feel that they’ve somehow been robbed of their own success, a good relationship, happiness, wealth, and so on. Sadly, this belief can be limiting and utterly debilitating.
In childhood, jealousy can be harmless. But in adulthood, it can bring about the absolute worst – if it develops into envy.
Melanie Klein who was an Austrian-British author and psychoanalyst is known for her work in child analysis. She defined envy as a manifestation of an early or primary destructiveness that wishes to destroy or spoil anything that someone else may have, yet at the same, guilt can be felt. And sibling rivalry is a good example of this. You may love your sibling but you may envy them at the same time – and when you feel this, you may also feel bad, wrong or guilty for doing so.
In other words, envy can create a range of complex feelings. Wanting to congratulate someone upon their success yet wanting to damn them at the same time – for making you feel inadequate is crazy, but this is what most human beings often feel, that is, if they’re prepared to be truly honest with themselves.
This is why when jealousy turns into envy, it can become a toxic emotion and once internalised, it can eat away and as a result, it can dis-empower rather than empower.
But feeling like you are losing out is not constructive – when actually, no one has taken your share of the pie. And neither should you feel inadequate as a result. Maybe your sibling/s did get more than you ever got, but in adulthood the rules change – and the pie gets bigger.
Finding your way around this pie or finding which slice of the pie belongs to you, can be daunting. But envy won’t help you navigate through the choices.
But realising that you are more in control as an adult, and knowing that you can change your circumstances once you begin to think differently – isn’t easy either.
It is hard, especially if you weren’t sent to the ‘right’ schools, if you didn’t go to university or indeed the ‘right’ university, and so on. It is also hard to come up with a business idea that will make you a fortune. But don’t let this lead you into making excuses.
Because few realise that it takes more than schooling or more than networking with the right people. It takes a certain amount of self-belief and a different way of approaching things – regardless of the school or university anyone is sent to.
The path to abundance is often an emotional one. It what you FEEL you can achieve and better still – it’s what you really believe deep down that you can achieve that makes all the difference. And indeed, this feeling is what will set you apart from the crowd.
But even then, few have the ability to really push themselves through pain, injury, exhaustion and few are prepared to sacrifice fun and possibly even family life, to reach the type of heights that perhaps the likes of Christiano Ronaldo or Floyd Mayweather have achieved.
And not doing so, can sadly make people feel a failure which is a shame.
What also sets people apart is their level of happiness and contentment: If you can truly say that they are happy, then you will have achieved a lot more than most. And if you are happy in your career – this is also more than many others will have achieved. And know that what makes people happy is also a sense of achievement.
Envy however does not make anyone happy. And pointing fingers at others who are either happy or successful, or calling them crooks or hating them is unhelpful and destructive.
Indeed, Napoleon Hill, and American self-help author once wisely said that, “It is always better to imitate a successful man than to envy him.”
He goes on to explain: “Of all the negative emotions, envy is perhaps the most insidious. It is especially sinister because it destroys you from the inside by replacing all that is positive and productive with negative feelings of anger, jealousy, and despair. But when you congratulate others upon their successes and genuinely wish them well, not only do you give credit to those who deserve it, but you also feel better about yourself. Once you’ve overcome your envy, you may want to determine what specific actions the other person took to achieve success. Meanwhile, you will have strengthened your relationships by recognising the achievements of others”.
And Jim Rohn, an American entrepreneur, author and motivational speaker also suggested that, “If every time someone is successful, you condemn them, or you start making excuses why they got lucky and you didn’t, you need to realise that these are just excuses. But instead, if you stopped and said that guy’s successful and – I could be too. I wonder how he did it? Maybe if I study him I’ll get there too. Maybe if I challenged myself then I’d get there too. Then suddenly life can become exciting”.
This is why it is so important to realise that people are never deprived if others gain – because abundance expands proportionately to match desires.
If you work on your self-belief and you work on what you want to achieve, and you read all the books on the subject, and you ask people for help and you listen to podcasts from all the top motivational speakers and business men, then you are bound to eventually become successful in your field – even if it takes a while. And in some cases years. But self-belief or belief in your project or what you want to achieve – should not have a sell-by-date.
And envying others, for what they’ve achieved – only becomes a poor excuse for what ‘you’ can’t be bothered to do. It suggests inertia and laziness. Yes, apologies if this is a hard pill to swallow. Sadly, for many this is a reality. It’s easier to just blame or point fingers. Because it’s harder to put in the hours.
Wallace D. Wattles however gives the best advice. He said, “Cast out envy; you can have all that you want, and you need not envy any man what he has. Above all things see to it that you do not hold malice or enmity toward any one; to do so cuts you off from the mind whose treasures you seek to make your own. Lay aside all narrow personal ambition and determine to seek the highest good.”
Because envy eats away. Envy it toxic. Envy mutates. Envy provides excuses. Envy is not successful. Envy just makes you feel insecure and inadequate. And so on. So why on earth would you ever allow yourself to feel this!
Napoleon Hill provided a further tip and a way to overcome envy. He explained that, “Our rewards in life will always be in exact proportion to our service or the service we offer.”
What however, might this service be, or what might you be able to offer?
This is why you need to use your mind. Look for the gaps in your market, because there are many. You just have to be observant and be on the look out for what hasn’t been done before or said before. Look around you. Everything you see – was once an idea. And someone changed that idea into something concrete, tangible and sellable. But this comes a developed self-belief – you need to believe not only in your self but also in the idea pr product you come up with
Years ago as a child, I witnessed two remarkable men achieve success. They approached my father on two separate occasions to ask for advice. One was an engineer and the other a mechanic. Both had discovered components that had not been developed before. However as they both had families to support they didn’t want to take the risk unless they were sure that what they had developed, was worthwhile, marketable and indeed sellable. My father advised and encourage them both, and years later, they became two very wealthy men.
The take away? Stop envying. Start believing, start reading, start watching and start listening. And if need be, get advice and don’t be afraid of taking a risk – only of course, if you know what you have is marketable and a damn good idea.
But yes, for some minority groups none of this is easy. This is why it is crucial to realise how important self-belief becomes, in order to keep believing, keep trying – until it happens.
And indeed, during any Recession or even Depression, it is also important not to give in – but to look for new opportunities. And once again the tiny book, “Who Moved My Cheese”, by Spencer Johnson comes to mind. Everyone should read it as it explains why attitude and flexibility is so important.
However, it is also important to know that some people like the architect, Frank Lloyd, or the potter, Lucie Rie, made their best work between the ages of 70 and 90! And there are many other examples that proves that it is never too late – just don’t give up.
But sitting there filled with envy – will get you nowhere, nowhere at all.
© 2020 Deidré Wallace All rights reserved.
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