The Deidré Wallace System

Blog 124. Business, Money And Your Career: When It Comes To Money – What Do You Think Are You Worth?

0 Posted by - May 18, 2020 - My Step-By-Step Relationship System, Uncategorized

Blog 124. Business, Money And Your Career: When It Comes To Money – What Do You Think Are You Worth?

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In Blog 64, I wrote about the affects money can have on relationships. In this blog, I will address personal issues with regards money, wealth and abundance that I have observed from seeing clients over many years:

Money can be a touchy subject for some. Money or indeed wealth or abundance is often misunderstood, leading to prejudice – which can sometimes be unfounded. This is sad, because money plays such an important role, not only in relationships but in business too – if only it could be better understood.

Money is an integral part of our lives and the relationship we have with money or indeed our understanding of how money is actually made – is what creates fortunes and in some cases, downfall or ruin.

Inheritances have split families or siblings, and money has often been the initiator of marriage or divorce, untold wealth or bankruptcy – and usually it has either created happiness or continuous bickering and misery, leading in some cases to depression or suicide.

A quick overview of society leads one however, to realise that the majority feel irked towards those who have money. Often this irritation is directed at a sibling or in-law, thought of as more successful. Or it can be directed at those who are seen to be filthy rich. And some may even think that they are owed a living, by those who are more prosperous. Usually this thinking or attitude comes without any real understanding of how money is made; how companies, brands or franchises and so on, operate. And that anyone can make money – if they just knew how to.

Making money is a game and in order to participate effectively, you need to know the rules. But with this, comes something more important – which goes much deeper. It is the entrenched and ingrained belief system that everyone has towards money, and this individual belief system, can either attract or repel wealth, either consciously or unconsciously. Sadly, many can go through life never becoming aware of:

  • The rules surrounding money or,
  • What their inner belief system actually is – regarding money or wealth.
  • That there is an emotional connection between money, work or wealth.

Sadly, none of these three issues are taught at school and often not at home either. Furthermore and as alluded to earlier, we are not taught how businesses work, and we are certainly not taught how to build a business, how to invest wisely or how to be financially savvy. And we are not taught how to look for opportunities. As a result, once people land a job they think that’s it. Few think of it as an opportunity to get to the next level. And few realise that if they just keep their ‘eyes wide open’, they may see an opportunity – that no one else may have thought of.

Even so, whilst heading out and earning money, few are taught how to save, and the art of budgeting has been lost. Many think of saving as some kind of punishment rather than a means to freedom. But also, credit cards have removed the discipline and feelings of accomplishment that goes along with of the art of saving. As a result, many now spend far more than they earn.

Nowadays, people often also say that that they don’t earn enough to save. Yet once they sit down and look carefully at what they spend their money on – they often land up shocked.

This is often because so few have been taught the reasons or value of creating a budget, so they land up mostly unaware of their spending habits each week or month. They spend without thinking. They order things online, go out every night, order takeaways, eat ready meals and so on – which all adds up. This is often due to the incorrect use of credit cards and sadly, many are now in debt, begging for a loan usually for having spent their money recklessly on things – they don’t even really need or even want. Or in some cases, saying ‘NO’ to the needs and wants of children in this day and age of brand awareness can be very hard too.

Getting into debt or having a massive overdraft is a sign of crisis living. And sloppy financial habits are usually also mirrored in the rest of one’s lifestyle or as James W. Frick once said, “How you spend your money tells me where your priorities lie.”

If we learn the value of saving and budgeting even as children, then we will also learn that watching one’s savings grow – automatically leads to a feel good factor. And even if what we save is small, the basic principles still apply. Getting into the habit of putting a few pennies away each day, each week, each month – can add up to a nice amount later on. And starting to save small amounts – creates a solid foundation that always comes in handy when earnings grow. And parents can teach their children by getting them involved in the saving process.

Also, saving for and having access to an emergency fund provides security. And we all how know how important this is, because as events and history have proven – we just never know what lies around the corner.

Sadly, many feel pressured to pursue lifestyles that are unaffordable and in so many cases – the debt level has risen to frightening levels. This desperately needs re-addressing. Living in debt creates stress and this can lead to so much unhappiness, relationship problems, depression and illness.

This is why when people finally pay off their debt, a massive feeling of relief is felt – as debt is literally a noose around ones’ neck – and sadly often put there by choice. And few realise this whilst doing so.

Then, it becomes a long hard slog, with tons of focus and discipline to get out of debt. Sadly, the shame of what debt may mean can linger for years to come. And if the extent of this was only realised beforehand, I suspect few would choose this path. But again, as this is not taught at school and so on, few realise this reality. Of course for some, bankruptcy becomes the only option or way out.

Also, our attitudes to money or how we spend our money can also be the result of trying to fill an emotional gap. The ritual of buying and owning may provide a initial thrill, but actually, the things purchased often have no emotional value after they’ve been purchased. And spending frivolously or spending what one doesn’t have, may actually underline and expose deeper emotions that many may not be aware of. No matter what the reasons may be – debt has never left anyone feeling happy or content. Rather, being in debt, creates guilt and it creates unsettled feelings of failure and shame – feelings that certainly don’t encourage self-esteem or confidence. Rather, many start having sleepless nights and they could even land up with failed marriages and possibly even failed businesses.

And strangely enough, once emotional needs are understood and met, many find they need less money to sustain themselves. Money then gets used differently.

This is why money needs to be understood. And how to stop it from draining away takes a certain mastery. This is why for example those that inherit or win the lottery also have to be careful. Jim Rohn often used to say that, “If you want to become a millionaire – you’d better learn how to become one – so you can learn to keep the money.” This is why nowadays financial advisers are employed to help invest the money wisely.

But keeping the money involves more.

It’s not just learning how to invest or getting people to show you how, it’s also about learning and getting to know your unconscious paradigms, belief systems and expectations, as these may be getting in the way of your financial success. But getting to know these, doesn’t happen overnight or by clicking one’s finger. It takes hard work and not everyone is prepared to do this – which is why some people are more successful than others – which is an unfortunate reality.

Financial paradigms or financial belief systems can start as early as childhood. Let me explain:

What many of my clients discovered, is it that once they were able to sit quietly and reflect, many were astonished to find that their lives were often a mirror of childhood beliefs or deep-seated feelings relating to whether they truly felt deserving of success or indeed, financial success.

Bob Proctor suggests most of what we create goes back to childhood and that what we absorb during childhood creates a multitude of habits that guide every move we make. They affect the way we eat, the way we walk, even the way we talk. They govern our communication, our work habits, our successes and our failures. He calls these habits, “paradigms”. And we glean these paradigms from our families either consciously but mostly unconsciously. It is these paradigms that are so ingrained in our psyches and without realising we operate from this vantage point”.

These paradigms or negative thought patterns or feelings can gradually well up and suddenly thoughts can start spiralling and whirring around, creating and finding excuses with justifications and reasons why things don’t or can’t happen. And they can quickly result in a general malaise about life, creating laziness, a lack of discipline or they can create drama that further defends the position anyone needs to be in.

Sadly too, these paradigms can also be rooted in negative childhood experiences such as: abandonment, family addictions, neglect and even childhood abuse.

These examples may then lead to feelings of low self-esteem and a low ‘self-deserving’ or belief system – reflected in issues with regards money and how it is earned or spent.

And another recurring issue I witnessed was that, even if vast wealth is inherited or earned, if as a child they were emotional neglected or abused, the money could be lost or gambled away either quite quickly or indeed, over time. This is because they may actually not feel worthy enough to own or keep the money. And this can cause marriages to fail and sometimes people have nervous breakdowns and so on, because the shock of losing it all, can be too great to bear.

Also, there are so many sites and people out there with ‘get rich schemes’ and advice, but few realise that until the past is worked through and the paradigms understood – the advice is largely useless.

I then started asking my clients this question: “What do you think are you worth?”

I had varying responses. Some found this difficult to answer. Some had never thought to ask this. Some burst into tears. Some became defensive. As we worked through how money had either been used advantageously or not, what the messages received had been and how this had affected attitudes or indeed, earnings – the value of this question was eventually turned into a constructive tool.

For those who had been abandoned or abused or those who may have found themselves sidelined or dismissed within their families, this question spoke to their feelings of identity and what ‘worth fullness’ may mean. As the work progressed it was always remarkable to see how perspectives shifted and how the answers to this question evolved constructively over time. And this shift in mindset also occurred whether a client had financial issues or not. Some were just looking to learn more about their paradigms and to improve their levels of success. And for some, this question also reflected the salary they had allowed themselves to earn and in some cases it may have been way below what they were actually worth. We would then continue to find ways of building confidence, self-esteem and self-worth so as to reverse what the paradigms had created.

Sometimes a client has to go beyond the remit of weekly therapy sessions. Paradigms are created over many years and a few therapy sessions are not always enough to cancel or reverse many paradigms that are buried deep within the psyche. Thankfully, these days we can listen to various speakers who understand negative thought processes with regards money and so on. (Below is a list of a few you may find useful). Doing so regularly – helps to override old negative paradigms. The trick of course, is to commit to listening to them daily until you can see or feel a shift take place. There is however no quick fix. However, it’s an amazing journey once you start seeing a shift in your thoughts and attitudes, all the while keeping in mind the question – “What do you think are you worth?”

It is indeed an important question we all need to ask ourselves.

It is a question that we usually only ask when referring to the very wealthy. But we know too, that many who have acquired their wealth have done so via experiences that have not always been easy. Many have had embarrassing failures that have taught them a few serious lessons. But somehow they’ve managed to many pick themselves up and start again, having hopefully learnt the lessons. And mostly, many of those lessons involve self-reflection. Many too have realised importance of learning to understand the basic principles or laws that govern money and how important it is to read the books that teach this subject. (See the list below).

John C Maxwell said, “To grow yourself you must also know yourself.” In other words, once the conscious or unconscious paradigms are understood, everyone can start managing them better – so that they can make better choices to suit their life goals.

Doing this often provides insights that you may not have realised. And when the penny finally drops it can bring either joy, when you realise exactly what you’re actually capable of, or it can bring great sadness, especially if you feel that you’ve wasted a lot of time. But as they say – it is never too late to start executing what you’ve always dreamed of doing.

Most importantly, what needs addressing is that these days, 1 in 4 thinks that their job is pointless.

Many don’t realise that with just of a bit of tweaking here and there, and maybe along with a few good books and some life coaching, they could be a lot more financially successful or indeed creative. Most importantly, earning a living can actually be really exciting when projects or work become more enjoyable.

Things have changed and approaches have changed. It‘s not just about getting a job – it’s about getting to know yourself, what you are capable of, along with becoming aware that everything or every object started as an idea.

So next time you have an idea, don’t ignore it. Write it down, do some research and maybe it’ll turn into something good. Unlike in the past, social media is there to help us turn ideas into realities. And many are now making money 24/7 via Internet companies. And you don’t even need to leave your day job.

And this is what the guys in Silicon Valley get paid for – to come up with ideas, some of which may even be binned, but every now and again, ideas like the iPhones or Facebook, etc, are created and tons of money gets made. And you may too. Once you’ve gotten past your negative paradigms or excuses that hold you back.

Either way, it may just mean that your thinking needs a shift. Maybe all it takes is looking out for a gap or realising what is missing. Each individual offers something different. Find out what that difference is – and then find a way of monetising that difference.

Making money can and should be exciting and those who know this often wake up each morning rearing to go. They exercise and have work out programs – and they’re disciplined. They get going, trusting from experience that usually the next move will emerge or appear when the time is right. They trust that one idea will lead to another. But they also know that some decisions may succeed and others may fail. Either way, they keep on regardless. They’ve learnt that persistence and tenacity pays off in the end. And failure doesn’t faze them. They just keep going knowing that mostly they will succeed and failure just becomes another lesson put to experience.

We are so lucky to be living in this exciting time and it’s becoming unnecessary to see human beings head off to work, shoulders drooping, with that robotic look, as they inch towards the next weekend, hating every day except maybe Fridays.

And once you shift your preconceived ideas with regards who should or can make money. As a result, you’ll probably also stop listening to everyone else’s opinions of what people are or are not entitled to. And little by little you may start realising that you too can be as ‘wealthy’ as you wish to become – or whatever that may mean for you.

And once you start practising this new mindset, you’ll realise just how quickly it also removes resentment, comparisons and envy of what others may have – as it encourages a particular focus that will help you head in the direction that will provide you with more confidence, that feel good factor and a feeling of accomplishment.

But also, it’s really worth realising that people are never deprived if others gain – because abundance expands proportionately to match desires.

More good thoughts produce better thoughts, whereas negative thoughts can starts that whirring and downward spiralling of doubt, fear and even panic. Because, what we think we become.

And this, isn’t taught at schools either.

Once you become aware of this reality – that we create what we focus on, that we get what we think about, and that if these thoughts are negative – then we’ll get more of that too, then hopefully you’ll start to want to rethink how you think.

Trying to shift your thought patterns can be very difficult, especially if you’re surrounded by people bombarding you with their opinions. As a result, you may want to watch who you hang around with. Indeed, Jim Rohn pointed out that, “You are the average of the five people you surround yourself with.” So be careful. If you want to become more successful then you may want to mix with with people who have similar goals – so that you can all motivate and encourage one another.

To summarise – our ideas therefore about money is usually developed way back in childhood. And poverty it is a mindset just as being wealthy is. And however you view poverty or wealth, whether it be in monetary terms or not – determines your attitude towards either, and this could affect the resulting outcome for you individually. And this outcome will mirror what you think or believe your worth to be. 

Therefore, as Rainer Maria Rilke once said, “The only journey is the journey within.” And the people you surround yourself with – will only mirror who you are or they’ll mirror the progress that you have been making.

It is also wise to choose your career wisely. Just chasing money may not make you happy. But chasing happiness or doing what makes you happy – may lead to financial success.

And as James Altucher said, “To really understand business – you need to understand who you are and what kind of life you wish to lead because the best business development is personal development.” And hopefully you now understand why.

Here is a list of motivational speakers that my clients have found useful. You can listen to them on YouTube. Each speaker has a massive variety that you can tune into every day:

1) Napoleon Hill
2) Earl Nightingale
3) Wallace D Wattles
4) Jim Rohn

5)) Mel Robbins
6) Abraham Hicks
7) Gregg Braden

Listen to them over and over again – and your life and attitudes will begin to shift.

Books that you may find useful:

  • The richest man in Babylon by George C Clason
  • The science of getting rich by Wallace D Wattles
  • Think and grow rich by Napoleon Hill
  • The broken ladder by Keith Payne
  • As a man thinketh by James Allen
  • Who moved my cheese by Dr Spencer Johnson
  • The chimp paradox by Professor Steve Peters

This is a small collection. You may of course, discover many more books and podcasts etc, to listen to which may help you find a deeper meaning to the life you wish to lead.

And while you’re at it, “Absorb what is useful. Discard what is not. And add what is uniquely your own” – Bruce Lee.

© 2020 Deidré Wallace All rights reserved.

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