68. The Realities Of Relationships: What Your Partner May Actually Feel About Your Behaviour May Shock You.
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As a therapist, I can report that what a partner says about another – may shock you.
Years ago and before becoming a therapist, I taught in various prisons in London, UK. During this time, I realised that what people say or how they behave within a group or with friends, may differ hugely from what is often revealed within the confines of a private conversation.
People often put on all sorts of brave faces – in order to mask their true feelings or vulnerability.
In long-term relationships and especially if there are children, partners learn this too.
Many people are quite prepared to go along with a lot of things – so as to not rock the boat.
If confronted they may never tell the truth.
Although many prefer to see all the positive things their partners bring to a relationship, this can result in suppressed feelings, which can lead to much anger and frustration.
Not wanting to make trouble, many let things ride.
But if destructive or negative behaviours go unchecked, it may be viewed as approval or that permission has been granted to continue the behaviour – no matter how harmful it may be to those around them.
Unfortunately, sometimes this is because people fear arguments whereas others fear losing their partners. So they prefer to remain silent.
But this is how uncomfortable issues can get tucked neatly under the proverbial carpet. As a result, resentment, frustration and anger may grow – which can lead to many problems down the road.
Worse still, is that buried feelings can begin to eat away at self-worth and this can be emotionally harmful in the long run.
It is therefore imperative that we become aware that on the surface our behaviour may seem acceptable to our partners but if we dig a little deeper the opposite may be true.
In other words, our partners may be nodding their heads in agreement – only to sustain the status quo for their own peace of mind.
It is therefore important that we keep this in mind especially if our partners find it hard to speak their mind.
Euripides wrote, ‘That is slavery – not to speak one’s thought.’
This is indeed true. But for some, speaking one’s thought is the hardest thing. And also knowing their partners so very well, speaking one’s thought – may actually be dangerous.
The vulnerability of speaking one’s thought, may at first seem frightening but it is not a weakness – rather it is a strength. Unfortunately, some may feel threatened by your ability to be vulnerable especially if they fear it within themselves.
It is therefore important that we are mindful of how we behave, what we feel and what we think, whether it is harmful to those around us – or whether it is indeed harmful to our own well-being.
Vulnerability is therefore a choice.
Choose wisely, choose mindfully, but choose nevertheless.
© 2017 Deidré Wallace All rights reserved.
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