67. Relationship Realities: The Reality Of Men And Women In Relationships.
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I don’t wish to tread on toes, however one thing I have observed over many years of seeing clients, is how some women find it harder than men to accept criticism.
Sometimes they find it emotionally difficult to accept that because relationships take two to tango, they may therefore have to take responsibility for at least 50% of the problems within their relationship.
Why does this happen?
Besides every day pressures and possibly that of a career, if women have also chosen to have children, then being a good mother as well as a good wife can sometimes create much stress. This can create self-esteem and confidence issues.
The last thing women then wish to hear is that they also cannot hack their relationships. The last thing women want to hear is that issues within their relationship may have had something to do with their own shortcomings or failings.
Contrary to this, and often backed up by the media, is the idea that men are the bad ones. They are supposed to be the ones struggling to access their feelings. They are supposed to be the ones struggling with their emotions and so on. It’s men surely, that are the ones always at fault emotionally.
And there are tons of sexist jokes to back this up. But is this necessarily true for all men?
Surely, this has to be true for BOTH men and women.
I have observed that some women, just like some men, battle to access their emotions and some women just like men, find it hard to accept their own faults and issues.
Furthermore, both women and men often project what they refuse to see emotionally about themselves, onto their partners.
We may be more alike than we realise. But is this true?
What is interesting is that I have also generally observed that men are far more inclined to stay in relationships for the sake of their children.
Many men are often prepared to work on themselves, sometimes a lot longer, than their female counterparts are – just so that they can continue to be with their families.
This is usually as a direct result of what men are brought up to do – to take care of their families.
Women on the other hand are taught to be good mothers.
Obviously we are all taught various other things too however, the prevalent conscious and unconscious role that most human beings share is to procreate and support our families. This requires that men and women have different roles, but ultimately the end goal remains the same – to produce and support our offspring, if we choose to have children that is.
This can sometimes create misunderstandings with regards the role each partner is supposed to play in relationships, especially as roles have shifted in modern society.
And yet, during relationship therapy, I often observed that: Many marriages would be better off, if both partners clearly understood that they are on the same side – that they are both trying to make a relationship work, so as to possibly provide and bring up their family in a happy environment.
Most importantly, is that parties take responsibility for their part in a relationship, the roles each party has to play and what each party brings emotionally via expectations and so on, into a relationship.
When things go wrong and often they do, it is both parties that need to take a look at their 50% share of what may have gone wrong in the relationship.
Blaming the other party just wastes a lot of time.
So why do it?
© 2016 Deidré Wallace All rights reserved.
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