65. Relationship Realities: Why Do You Constantly Remind Your Partner Of All Their Mistakes?
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When two people fall in love there is always a hope that a partner will love you unconditionally, warts and all. And as the relationship develops, often a trust begins to grow, a trust that puts in place the often unspoken expectation that each party will accept the other person’s faults.
But as time goes by, and as daily stresses emerge, irritabilities and frustrations may begin to surface.
Suddenly there may be less talk of love as blame and frustration becomes the new pattern of communication. If this is left unaddressed, then a new habit could begin. A habit of partners continually berating one another for all their mistakes or indeed – for everything that goes wrong. Or they may indeed be projecting all they don’ t like about themselves onto their partner.
But getting into the habit of constantly pointing fingers, may initially allow you to feel good and powerful but it may leave your partner feeling bad about themselves.
And giving yourself a quick ego boost may seem okay at the time, but you may actually come across as a bully. But worse still, your actions may push your partner away.
There is however a better way of handling daily irritations:
Usually all the things that irritate us are quite small and in the bigger scheme of things, they may actually be irrelevant.
Usually there is absolutely nothing that any of us can do about the past or what has already been done. None of us, can undo anything that has already been done, or not done or even forgotten about.
Even though you may feel disappointed, angry or annoyed with your partner, there is still nothing you can do about the past. What is done is done – or not done.
And if you truly love and respect your partner, why rub their noses in it?
We are all fallible. We all make mistakes. We are all forgetful from time to time. And life is stressful.
Becoming angry and berating a partner for what they didn’t do in the past – is a total waste of energy.
The past is the past. Concentrate on the now, the future – and what needs to be done next.
In other words, learn to nip your judgement in the bud.
It is not helpful and it actually serves no purpose except in making your partner feel like some naughty disobedient child. And for some, this can be very annoying and rather patronising.
Learning this technique will also help you argue less.
It’s always the little things that we allow to build up, that eventually land up destroying love and respect.
Remind yourself each time your partner forgets to do something and so on, that they haven’t murdered anyone and generally most things can be rectified.
Then remind yourself of that excellent book that Richard Carlson wrote called, ‘Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff’.
In this book he rather succinctly writes something like, ‘it is such a waste of our time to be spending our energy on stuff that disempowers rather than empowers’.
So ask yourself this – are you empowering or disempowering yourself and your relationship?
If so, you may want to learn this tip: We cannot undo what is in the past or what has not been done. But you can remember to love your partner unconditionally – and hopefully they will do the same for you.
Because that is all that matters – surely?
© 2017 Information Copyright Deidré Wallace
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