Blog 31. Relationship Wisdom: A Child Will Often Mirror A Parent’s Strength And Weaknesses.
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There is one very important dimension to having good personal boundaries that is usually unknown or just forgotten:
When you have an inner self-confidence and an inner self-belief, you radiate this. Through your body language and also via your voice, you emit this confidence and in so doing people are less inclined to walk all over you. What you project about yourself and your inner belief system, can be detected, even unconsciously by others.
Having good boundaries in place allows us to take better care of yourself – emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated.
Statements like these often refer to our relationships with adults. But, it can also refer to the relationships we have with children, even animals.
Children and animals are great mirrors of our self-confidence. Children (or animals) know instinctively whether we have good or bad boundaries. And boy do they use it against us – if it’s not in place.
Although this may seem obvious to some of you, many do not realize the importance of setting up good inner boundary systems – especially as a parent.
These days, I see so many parents struggling to control or discipline their children. Unfortunately, many of these parents do not realize that by not emanating an inner ‘don’t mess with me attitude’, their children will time and time again, ride roughshod over them.
This is why throughout my blogging I have tried to encourage you to ‘Watch yourselves like a hawk’. I have encouraged you to get to know yourselves, your behavioural patterns, your habits, so that you can make better choices to suit your life goals.
The further consequence that I haven’t mentioned so far, is that by getting to understand my Relationship Knowledge System and using it in your own lives, will help you when it comes to bringing up your children. By developing self-knowledge and self-belief, you will exude this – and your children will sense it and respect you for it too.
When you then say ‘No’ to a child, your no will be understood and not felt as something that can easily be broken. As I said before, children have a great intuitive sensibility and they quickly discern whether they can break your boundaries or even your rules for that matter.
Unfortunately, parents do not realize that by not exhibiting this inner boundary system, they can also set up a lack of trust within a child. Why?
Ask yourself this: How can you really trust someone who doesn’t have good personal boundaries? If they are not strict, firm or even consistent with regards their decision-making processes, but prefer to sit on the fence, then it’ll be hard to ‘read’ them. So how can you really take them seriously? A child sensing this will run rings around someone like this.
We are however supposed to teach by example. How can a child learn about boundaries if we have none? And also, how can a child learn about confidence, self-belief or even how to make and keep decisions if we don’t know how?
Most importantly too, is that a child needs to know where they stand with you. This also builds a sense of belonging and safety.
So I urge those of you who are parents and indeed all of you, to build your self-confidence and your self-worth. This will have vast consequences for not only your children but also, you will be taken more seriously as a result.
Note: © 2014 Information Copyright Deidré Wallace
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