10. IF YOU PUT YOURSELF ON A PEDESTAL – YOU’RE HEADING FOR A FALL
Here’s a thing – many of us don’t realise just how addicted we are to daily dramas. Sometimes we aren’t even aware that things we say may have repercussions that lead to dramas, heated debates or even arguments.
The question that we could ask is – ‘What is it that we actually gain from this’? Well it’s about 2 things:
1) It takes us ‘away’ from ourselves. Drama is about what the other person said or didn’t say. This means we can spend time on other people’s misdemeanors, their failings rather than focusing on our own lives.
2) It means we can tell others about how great we are compared to ‘how dare they do this or say this to me’. So drama can in our eyes make us feel better than the idiot who – ‘can you believe just did or said this!’.
This is similar to my 2 previous blogs which was about putting people on pedestals. Except that in this case, creating drama often puts ourselves on a pedestal compared to the supposed idiot down there. However invariably if it starts with our feeling bad about ourselves it also usually ends with our feeling bad about ourselves because arguments or dramas never leave both parties feeling upbeat or positive.
So really drama can be thought of as using time to focus not on ourselves but others. As well as thinking we are better than perhaps that damn idiot. Except as I said in my previous blogs – people on pedestals fall off. Perhaps it’s the other way round – that we feel so bad about ourselves that we need to create drama in order to elevate ourselves?
Except that this can either create negative attention and people may walk away irritated or you may land up attracting people who play similar games – people who enjoy a drama. In both cases the question that can be asked is, ‘What do you get of these dramas?’ Often dramas are another way of concentrating on everything else rather than yourself.
And on a more subtle level getting involved in dramas also creates inner anger or negative emotions amongst the people involved. So it stirs up all sorts of emotions that people can identify with. However, if people are angry why not deal with the emotions or anger, rather than projecting it into a drama?
Creating dramas obviously effects personal relationships as well. By becoming aware that dramas for the sake of attention is not constructive and it can push your partner away. Dealing with a drama queen is tiresome. Drama queens do this to get attention and over time their negative neediness can be very irritating.
By becoming aware that dramas actually push people away and that it is another way of avoiding intimacy not only with another but also yourself, means that you can begin to understand your behavioural habits better. You can begin to question why you create dramas in the first place. What do expect to get from the drama and is it actually serving a purpose or is it destructive?
Often people don’t realise is that what they crave so desperately is intimacy with another. Yet, fearing intimacy at the same time can cause people to behave in all sorts of ways and without realising it. (See my Blog – If I’ve been abandoned then I ‘m bad, therefore I need to be punished – so we punish ourselves in a number of ways without being aware of what we are actually setting yourselves up for). By creating dramas we may be pushing people away. Consequently, this could lead to terrible disappointment and even loneliness, when we get left. I often heard clients say, ‘What did I do, why did they leave me, what did I do wrong? This was an example of how often we are unaware of our actions and what we might be saying about ourselves through the dramas we set up.
So my blogs are about helping you come into an awareness of how you might be behaving. Often our behaviour comes from learnt childhood patterns that have become knee-jerk habits in adulthood. Often we are not aware of our habits and most importantly, the consequences that may be preventing us from moving forward and achieving intimate relationships.
Note: © 2014 Information Copyright Deidré Wallace
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