How To Break Behavioural Habits And Patterns.
Breaking emotional behavioural habits takes a lot of hard work and dedication. Usually this only happens when you become absolutely sick and tired of your patterns and habits getting in the way of you moving forward.
Patterns cannot just be broken if you do not understand where they come from and how they developed.
Usually we are unaware of the emotional impact childhood experiences have on developing patterns of behaviour which we take into adulthood.
Parents, families and teachers provide you with an emotional blueprint as you grow up. Children take on board everything. They sense it all. Children are like sponges, absorbing and learning from their environment from which they gain a value and a self-belief system with regards to confidence, attitudes and relationships.
Unfortunately this is not always positive. What we learn as children might not always be that helpful. Whatever happened to you as a child, whether negative or positive becomes a way of behaving or reacting, which you carry into adulthood. But what worked in childhood doesn’t always work in adulthood. So what you learn as a child becomes a knee-jerk routine behaviour or response. It’s what you know. So it becomes a spontaneous behavioural habit. And these habits can be either unconscious or conscious. Maybe you haven’t even realised or even forgotten why and where they come from.
But learnt emotional habits or patterns can influence how and why you choose your relationships later on in life. And the behavioural patterns, or habits, can be destructive, also leading to breakdowns in relationships.
Most of the clients I saw often said that their childhoods were happy yet this was not reflected in their relationships. You may have had a good time playing in the playground but going home might not have been much fun (or visa versa). Also, its not so much what happened to you as a child, but how what happened was managed.
It is only when we stop and reflect that we gain an understanding of how childhood experiences mould how we relate. This certainly does not mean that you must have had a terrible childhood to do this.
Once you understand where your patterns and habits came from, you can then begin to “watch yourself like a hawk”. Observe yourself – how you react or what you feel in situations. Usually if you take the time to stop and think you may even remember when and in what situations your feelings (which now have become habits) started.
Slowly these habits will begin to disappear. And just when you are not looking they ‘bite you on the bum’. This is good news because it’s just a reminder that the habit has still not quite vanished and more work needs to be done. Then one day the habit becomes a faint memory. Hooray! And you just have to keep doing this as we carry many habits.
My relationship knowledge is for highly effective people who want to effect change. This is why in order to break negative habits you need to really want to shift habits which are no longer serving you.
Note: © 2014 Information Copyright Deidré Wallace
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