Blog 84. Divorce: You Made A Mistake. You Made The Wrong Choice. Who Is To Blame?
The hardest moment in a relationship comes – if a person realises that they’ve made a mistake and chosen the wrong partner, or indeed married the wrong partner, which could affect the rest of their lives.
And I am sure that many of you will have experienced this either for yourself, or you may have witnessed friends and family members make a partner choice – which they then land up sorely regretting, even though you may have even warned them – that mayhem lay ahead.
This moment of relationship realisation can however, have many repercussions – and one unfortunate repercussion is that of blame. Many start by blaming their partner for the failure of their relationship. And although this may be true to some extent, another truth usually lingers – whether one accepts it or not. That is, that as adults we are responsible entirely for the partner choices we make.
The choice we make is not our partner’s fault: even if we feel they’ve let us down, even though they may have made wonderful promises in the beginning of the relationship, even though they may have behaved atrociously, violently, and so on – our partner choice remains and belongs to us and us alone.
As adults we make choices. It is now up to each individual to find out why they have made the mistake in order to learn from it.
So that a partner choice is not repeated again and again.
Relationships can be a risky business and sometimes we can make terrible mistakes. The trick however is not to beat yourself up. Rather it is far better to learn from the experience.
We choose (believe it or not) who we want as partners. We fall in love with a partner. This is not their fault. Ultimately – we are responsible for our own emotions. And it us up to us whether we stay with someone or not. If we then make a mistake and discover that the person isn’t suitable, don’t blame them – blame yourself. You made the wrong decision. Now make another one so as to rectify your mistake.
And don’t beat yourself up. Beating yourself up won’t solve anything either. All it does is make you into a victim. And none of us are victims – unless we choose to be. It’s that simple – except that human beings always try to complicate things.
Often it is because we find it very hard to take responsibility for our own actions or decisions.
It always has to be someone else’s fault.
Henry Ford on the other hand, offered a solution when he said, “Don’t find fault, find a remedy”.
© 2017 Deidré Wallace All rights reserved.
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