Blog 83. Divorce: You Will Search For Me In Another Person. I Promise.
So you have decided to get divorced and you are now single again – but beware.
A divorce lawyer once said to me, ‘People often marry the same type over and over again, be it an alcoholic, be it whatever. People repeat patterns constantly and only a few ever learn the lessons that stop them from recreating their own misery’.
Years later when I started my relationship therapy training, those wise words came flooding back.
Sometimes we repeat patterns deliberately, other times we do it unconsciously.
Sometimes new partners even look like previous partners, wives or husbands.
And we repeat patterns often without understanding why.
Usually it’s because we don’t believe we deserve better – or it’s because it’s what we know and it’s what is safe.
So might you be repeating patterns because you feel you don’t deserve better?
Maybe you just haven’t realised what you are doing.
Often it’s only when we stop, when we give ourselves time to reflect, that we begin to realise how we undermine and hinder our own progress.
I urge you therefore to give yourself some time to look carefully at what you might be creating for yourself that might be causing you unnecessary pain.
Aristotle once wrote that, “We are what we repeatedly do.”
Make sure that you too, aren’t making a habit of choosing the same destructive relationships over and over again. Because often what we do or what we repeat often becomes a habit – and some habits are not always that helpful.
© 2016 Deidré Wallace All rights reserved.
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