The Deidré Wallace System

Blog 79. Dating: Pornography Doesn’t Support Sex – It Ruins It. 

0 Posted by - November 1, 2017 - My Step-By-Step Relationship System, Uncategorized

Blog 79. Dating: Pornography Doesn’t Support Sex – It Ruins It. 

Research has exposed a worrying development:

As a result of the Internet, more and more people are watching pornography on the Internet. For many, old and young, this is having a profound influence on people’s approach to sex, intimacy and relationships.

Even young men aged 12 to 29, are now able to watch porn every day, seven days a week. And the most consumed pornography is hard–core porn. This includes verbal and physical abuse, choking women during oral sex, slapping, hair pulling, and anal sex.

Consequently, these many men are expecting the same behaviour from their dates or girlfriends when having sex.

As a result, doctors are now reporting the rise in women presenting anal and incontinent issues. Many women are too embarrassed to tell their parents or to speak up against what is now expected of them sexually.

Along with the expectation to be super thin, beautiful, fashionable, with plenty of social media likes, women are now also expected to have designer labia.

These expectations are causing many emotional and psychological problems leading to feelings of deep insecurity, anxiety, depression, anorexia nervosa, bulimia, self harm and even suicide.

And women are now experiencing violence and intimidation at the hands of their boyfriends who harbour extreme negative attitudes towards women. Also, if their girlfriends do not succumb they can be called names, bullied, taunted and further embarrassed on social media.

Further research has found that men watching pornography have reported that not only does it shape their sexual desire, the more they watch, they more they are being influenced to carry out these fantasies on their girlfriends. Some fantasies include rape and violence. Consequently, many men often display verbal and physical aggression toward their partners, dates or girlfriends.

Research has also shown another feature: Many men, especially those who find themselves addicted to porn, will practice what is called ’edging’. Whilst watching porn, they will masturbate and then, just before reaching full orgasm, they may pull back in order to prolong their erection. The reason behind this is that – the addict hopes to find a more violent or more shocking scene in order to intensify their orgasmic experience.

Men then find that having sex with their real life partners lacks the same excitement, and over time, many are finding that their addiction to porn – has actually damaged their relationships.

Sadly, for those who have started out very young, all they know is what they have seen acted out on their computer screens or smart phones.

It is therefore important for parents to become aware of what is happening and how children are now being moulded into doing things that are quite shocking.

And it is important for parents to realise that even the very nice and innocent children or teenagers – are all targets. And that their adorable son may be getting up to all sorts of sexual tricks and that their lovely daughter may be succumbing to sexual expectations that may be leaving these children scarred for life – right under their noses.

It is therefore so important to become aware that your date may be addicted to watching pornography and they may therefore require a lot more than just loving intimate sex.

This is just another of many reason why it is so important that you get to know your date or your partner over time – as this will cause a lot less heartache.

Talking about sex, asking a few questions and testing the waters can be crucial. But this takes maturity – and unfortunately many kids are often unaware of all the pitfalls and consequences of what is expected nowadays.

However, as men begin to realise that pornography can be damaging to their real life relationships and the more men begin to take a principled stand against porn, the more likely they will be able to replace it with connection and true intimacy.

Rolo May once wrote, “Communication leads to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing”. He was so right.

And the Joyce brothers rather aptly wrote, “Real intimacy is only possible to the degree that we can be honest about what we are doing and feeling”.

It is therefore so important that parents teach their children about intimacy and that adults communicate with their dates or future partners about their sexual expectations and intimacy. Hopefully by doing this people will become “forewarned in order to be forearmed”.

(To find out more about pornography and why so many people are attracted to it, please read blog 47 which explains this more fully).

© 2017 Deidré Wallace All rights reserved.

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