Blog 77. Dating: Do You Understand The Grooming Techniques Of Love Bombers?
Everybody hopes and wishes to find that one person whom they can share the rest of their lives with – someone who will love them unconditionally and someone who will adore them forever and ever. And you might too:
But, if someone comes along and very quickly begins to declare their undying love for you – beware. Beware with capital letters – B.E.W.A.R.E.
If someone starts telling you how wonderful you are, without knowing you for very long – B.E.W.A.R.E. And if someone starts promising you all sorts of wonderful things – B.E.W.A.R.E.
This could be a type of emotional scam and you could be a target of what is known as ‘love bombing’.
Unfortunately, people will try all sorts of techniques to get you to trust them – especially if they can sense that you are vulnerable, gullible or – that you have money.
This is why it is so important to take things slowly. When you meet someone new, learn to ask the right questions, introduce them to your friends and possibly even to your family.
But if they show a reluctance to do this – then B.E.W.A.R.E.
A love bomber likes to control and have you all to themselves. They won’t like other people getting involved and they won’t like sharing you with anybody. Especially if what they want – is your money.
And B.E.W.A.R.E – the process of emotional manipulation can be slow and various cunning tactics might be used to convince you to spend all your time with them – as they slowly persuade you to cut all ties with your family and friends.
If you don’t adhere to this – they could become upset and irritable. They may begin to throw tantrums, or they may punish you with silence. Eventually they may even begin to physically abuse you.
Controlling and narcissistic behaviour is often very hard to spot and often a love bomber uses their charisma and charm in order to manipulate you – which is rather similar to how conmen behave.
Strangely enough, love bombers are themselves often emotionally needy and they usually comprehend human vulnerability extremely well. This is why they know just how to ‘emotionally wrap people around their little finger’ – as they manoeuvre everything to revolve around them and their needs.
And if you are kind, and possibly even easily led – then you could quickly become an agreeable target.
However, once a love bomber has gained your trust this could be the beginning of a slippery slope. They can convince you to hand over your money, your possessions and anything else you own. Consequently, you could land up in financial trouble and this can be humiliating – leading to shame and embarrassment.
And if you think that this only happens to people who lack self-worth, you may be very wrong. Strong and confident women also fall for manipulative love bombers.
This is because it is very easy to fall for a partner who seems to be self-sufficient, confident and ambitious and so on. It can be rather attractive. And in itself there is nothing wrong with anyone having these qualities. But if they use these qualities to bully you, to control you or to manipulate you then – B.E.W.A.R.E.
Also, if you have experienced any childhood trauma or abuse you may be attracted either consciously or unconsciously to manipulative and abusive people. Unfortunately these traits may only emerge with time – whilst you land up becoming more and more emotionally entangled.
And then unlocking yourself from an emotionally complex situation can become very difficult, especially as you begin to realise that you’ve been conned by empty promises, and as your partner’s mask begins to drop.
Love bombers are called this as they will have dropped an emotional bomb, to shatter your self-worth and confidence – in order to get you to serve their every whim.
Picking yourself up and putting back all the pieces can be very hard. And love bombers will make leaving them very hard too. If they have been allowed to think that you have become their prey, then getting out from under will be hard. They will come up with every excuse in the book in order to keep you under their thumb – and blackmail or physical abuse can be some of the techniques used to keep you from leaving them.
Also, realising that you’ve been duped can be very embarrassing. Consequently, many prefer to stick their heads in the sand hoping that ‘tomorrow’ will provide better answers or solutions. But putting our heads in the sand is never a good idea. It just prolongs the inevitable.
This is why it is so important to take things slowly when you first meet someone. And if you sense any controlling or manipulative behaviour – B.E.W.A.R.E.
And do not be afraid of becoming – A.W.A.R.E. This can save you a lot of heartache and in some case money too.
Learn to stop, to watch, to listen. If someone is offering you the world – B.E.W.A.R.E. It is wiser in this case to remember that saying: “If it’s too good to be true – it often is!”
When you start dating go slow and anyone worth being with will respect that. Taking things slowly will allow you both to make better choices to suit your life’s goals.
And it’s also worth remembering the wisdom of Confucius that: “The cautious seldom err”.
© 2017 Deidré Wallace All rights reserved.
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