30. DON’T PUT EVERYTHING UNDER THE CARPET. THINGS WILL JUST PILE UP AND YOU’LL END UP TRIPPING OVER IT.
I often witnessed couples ‘put everything under the carpet’, hoping that issues will just go away by themselves.
As a result all the unaddressed issues pile up causing unspoken resentment and anger.
Then when an argument erupts, usually everything, months of stored irritation and anger, comes bubbling out in a vicious rage. Awful things get said and the argument lands up in a confused emotional mess with two people screaming vitriol at one another. Things get said that cannot be taken back. And consequently trust between a couple gets unnecessarily broken.
If you wish to be heard, then surely it would be far better to learn to confront and communicate issues as they arise.
Finding the right timing, sitting your partner down and discussing an issue is far more constructive than blurting a whole lot of stuff out in arguments when your partner is far too busy defending themselves – and hearing you will be nigh impossible.
You can learn more about constructively confronting a partner in Blog 25: YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO CONFRONT PEOPLE CONSTRUCTIVELY BUT YOU’LL DEVELOP YOUR SELF-CONFIDENCE AT THE SAME TIME
So if you keep on piling everything under a carpet, if you keep sticking everything under the carpet, the carpet will form a huge heap and you will begin to trip over it.
When emotions build up, eventually they find a way of erupting and usually the end result leaves you feeling bad, exhausted and even more unhappy – especially if you said a bunch of dreadful things.
In Blog 4, I wrote about how we find ways of punishing ourselves to remind us of our lack of self-worth and so on.
Not addressing issues is another way of punishing ourselves.
It might be better therefore, to learn a new habit that will allow you to address things when they happen. Why? To ensure that you do not have to carry negative feelings around that make you unhappy, and most importantly, that you don’t land up feeling bad about yourself after a destructive argument.
Remember you have options and there are always alternatives. Sometimes it’s about making little shifts in your thinking that will help you make better choices to suit your life goals.
Note: © 2014 Information Copyright Deidré Wallace
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